The Grander Plan
How do you make God laugh?
Tell him your plans. Libby Carstensen
When you’re going through a rough time, you don’t see the blessing in that – it’s disguised right?
You don’t know that your world going up in flames, could be the start of something amazing.
When I sowed my first seeds of intention right here on this blog, knowing only scraps of stuff I’d read from Deepak’s books, I had no idea how my fledgling desires would begin to hatch. Or in truth, if they would. I was in a scary place of constriction, fear and anxiety.
Yet thankfully I was still connected enough to some other place deep inside me that was gently guiding me to my next step (having first, of course, taken steps to grab my ego self by the neck just long enough to silence the deafening and limiting stories it kept telling me).
Anyway, nothing else (to me) can really explain how I’m sitting here now six months since my last post having:
- Made not one, but two trips to the sweet spot – the Chopra Center in California.
- Signed up to the Teacher’s Path on the Chopra Center Perfect Health Program
- Committed to being a conscious eater and vegetarian
- Committed to a twice daily meditation practice
- Committed to an Ayurvedic lifestyle
- Committed to a daily yoga practice
It’s been a roller coaster of a ride, which I will ask you to jump on board at the point where I’ve returned from Seduction of Spirit and discovered that there is no such thing as coincidence.
And so it was no coincidence that on Thursday May 1 2014, the day we get to honour The Law of Intention and Desire, that I found myself looking at an email asking me to write a one-page essay on my ‘intentions and desires to become a Perfect Health instructor’. I remember thinking ‘you have to love that! A little clue the universe has thrown out there to remind me I’m moving in the direction… I’m in flow.
Truth was, I, hadn’t known what I really, really, REALLY, wanted for a long while and just a year before, had little trust that the universe had any grand design for me. I was one of those people that had grown up believing success meant hard work, determination and unwavering ambition and of course… if I’m a good person, good things will happen… right?
I have to say good things did happen, and I did reach many of my goals, but I still found myself at 41, stressed, depressed and crippled with anxiety – I was completely out of balance.
I remember being at work, trying to push down uncontrollable tears, and a very clear inner voice screaming at me; ‘this is not who you are’, ‘this is not what you are meant to be doing’, ‘get out of here’.
But, for a long, horrible time, I didn’t listen. I’d spent 23 years pursuing, building, cultivating, living, breathing life as a journalist, communicator, publisher and writer. If that wasn’t what I was supposed to be doing, what was? So I continued the struggle, always doing what I’d always done, always getting what I always got. And one day the tears wouldn’t stop. I finally realised my gutsy self-will had taken me as far as it could take me. It was time to trust in something else – that voice, a higher will, that I now know had been throwing me lifelines all along.
The key ones being:
- Finding my Yoga teacher, Charlie. (He actually found me).
- Being introduced to the Perfect Health 21 Day Meditation Challenge.
- Being given the book, Perfect Health. Charlie happened to have it and lent it to me when he discovered I was meditating and reading the Seven Spiritual Laws of Yoga.
- Feeling driven to start this blog, journaling my experiences as a ‘Yogi in training’ and ‘Living with Deepak’.
I started writing this blog on September 25, 2013 by asking the question; ‘Does blogging create personal abundance?’ And on October 1, 2013, for those who haven’t seen it already, this was the intention I set.
“To find happiness and fulfilment in my life and share that experience with others so they can find happiness themselves.”
Later that month, on October 29 2013, I finally gave my self-will the day off, quit my job and watched the world as I had so meticulously planned go up in smoke.
Life changed dramatically (the blogging also stopped for a while). But my intention had been set, and since then, whether consciously or unconsciously, I began crystallising my vision and focusing my attention on what I wanted to expand in my life. I began to see ways to shake off the thick layers of past conditioning that were holding me back, I learned to foster authenticity, and I surrendered to the unknown trusting I will be OK whatever the outcome.
In this phase of self-discovery I reflected on the gifts I have (How can I help, how can I serve?) and the archetypes I carry with me have given some clues. The Athlete and Caregiver express my lifelong passion for the outdoors, activity, good food and good health, my Creative is with me when I write, and the Visionary is my ever-present entrepreneurial spirit.
And now the intention I first set here in my blog, I believe, is manifesting itself through my desire and intention to become a Perfect Health instructor.
Whether I realise my intentions through teaching what I learn, writing about what I learn, or just being what I learn…or all three, who knows? The universe will correlate those details when it is good and ready.
I’m hoping the next stop is the Yoga Teacher Training Path and I may even become a Vedic Master one day. For now I’m happy to continue to ‘go with the flow’ and trust that anything is possible.
“Rewrite the story of your inner response and give yourself permission to be grateful for the opportunity.”
Deepak Chopra